Words of Life
by Cammie Easley, LPC-MSHP | HeartLife Counselor
One of my favorite types of sessions to lead involves working on communication skills between parents and children. It is life-giving to see a parent work to truly understand a child (whether young, teenage or adult). And, it is equally life-giving to see a child flourish in being heard and also gain perspective as they too seek to understand the others’ perspective. However, I’ve also seen patterns of communication between parent and child quickly go south and cause more damage than good.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Recently, I sat across from a young woman who had put in years of hard work in personal and family therapy and had completely transformed her life, her work ethic and her relationships. As we talked, my heart broke because she painfully said, “What’s the point? My parents see me as the same person I was in the past. They don’t even notice how I’ve changed.”
While there are several factors and elements that can strengthen or cause harm to the bond between parent and child, there is one element that is always within our control - our words. Our words have the power to give or diminish life. Throughout Proverbs, we learn a lot about the power of our words. Proverbs 18:21 states, “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 16:24 states, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.” Proverbs 12:18 states, “There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Our words truly have the power to bring life, health, healing and perspective if we will steward them effectively with our children. In places where your children are excelling, speak words of celebration and confidence. Tell them how proud you are of them when they play into their strengths and for instance, make an effort to be a part of the team on basketball court; or want to bake cookies for a neighbor; or include a new person at school. Hopefully, those words of encouragement will come naturally and will encourage your child to press further into those types of actions.
“They need to hear words of blessing – blessing over their schoolwork, their health, their relationships, their future, their identity.”
It can be harder to find the words to say when our children are struggling with poor choices, a lost sense of identity or rebellious behavior. It is easy in those moments to harp on what is “wrong” with them or where they are failing. And, there is a time and place for confrontation and correction. The Bible clearly states “the Lord disciplines those he loves” like a father disciplines his children (Hebrews 12:6). There is a place for discipline, and it is good.
And, at the same time, I believe it is in times of struggle more than ever that our children need to hear words of truth about who they are internally. They need to hear words of life - “that they were created for a purpose that we can’t wait to see,” “that they are gifted and talented in unique ways,” “that they are loved and cherished,” “that they are seen and heard and attuned to,” and that “how they think and feel matters to us.” They need to hear that they come from a family who cares about excellence, hard work, honesty, faithfulness, self-control, and kindness - and therefore, it is part of who they are as well. They need to hear words of blessing – blessing over their schoolwork, their health, their relationships, their future, their identity. Pray blessings over your children, read blessings over them at night, speak blessings over them in the day, celebrate every action that is in line with who they really are in the Lord. And, when they are struggling, search for moments to celebrate small victories and keep on reminding them of who you know them to be. Your words will have an impact. Speak words over them that bring life. Because, as Proverbs states, “life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).
Meet Cammie Easley, LPC-MHSP!
Cammie graduated with her Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling in May of 2014 from Denver Seminary in Denver, CO.
Throughout her career as a counselor, Cammie has been passionate about helping individuals of all ages overcome anxiety and depression, heal from past traumas, process their own grief, and develop into the healthy and whole people that God designed them to be.
She believes firmly that seasons of hardship are God’s tool which He uses to make us more like Himself and to reveal Himself to us in ways that we would not otherwise come to intimately know. One of her greatest joys in counseling is helping individuals figure out how they can heal in a holistic way that incorporates their body, mind, and spirit.